When I was actively involved in Al-Anon recovery, there were a lot of group members who said that recovery in Al-Anon was the most precious gift. I read literature, journaled, worked the steps with a sponsor and went to meetings; however, I always put my family, especially my children, ahead of going to meetings. One school year, I gave up my home group because the time conflicted with going to school and teaching one child an advanced math class. Full disclosure: I wasn't living with active alcoholism at the time. Also, an alcoholic friend once told the that the AA's need for recovery is different. He said, "We have a tendency to drink and die."
I've heard others speak of "the priceless gift of serenity," and I know from deep within myself how priceless that gift is. I won't give my serenity away to anyone. The second step says, "Came to believe that a Power greater that ourselves could restore us to sanity." One definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. One day in a meeting, I actually said out loud (!) that I have a diagnosis of bipolar. Just to say that out loud made me shake. I had been struggling with the word "sanity" in that step, and I really needed to say that I am mentally ill. Sanity in real life is different than sanity in Al-Anon, and I needed to say that in the safe environment of the meeting. I have a potentially life-threatening mental illness.
More than five years after receiving the bipolar diagnosis, I have come to an extremely important realization: my recovery from bipolar disorder is the Most Important Gift in my life. It is my priceless gift. Without the overall mental health I've worked so hard to gain, I don't have the dear people in my life. My relationships can't be healthy. I can't be happy and fulfilled at work. When I am ill, the pain is almost unbearable, and I'm not present. I don't want to go back to being ill. I am responsible for my own recovery. I am responsible for seeking help when I need it, and the experience is humbling. I am grateful beyond measure for the gift of recovery.
I end with one of the prayers I say every morning:
Freedom Prayer:
Take, Lord, receive all of my freedom, my memory, my intelligence, and my will, all that I have and possess. You, Lord, have given those things to me. I now give them back to you, Lord. All belongs to you. Dispose of these gifts according to your Will. All that I ask is your Love and your Grace, for they are enough for me.
--St. Ignatius of Loyola
Blessings!
