It's Time to Deal with "The Music Thing"

Yesterday I wrote about forgiving a particular person, LDD, who killed my sister-in-law. After working out, I sat with my guitar and tried to write a song, a tune, or something to accomplish the forgiveness I sought. My Al-Anon sponsor told me that when someone has hurt me, I have to consider my part, too. There are several instances in my life where it is nigh unto impossible for me to see that I had a part. In this case, the car wreck happened in another state, I wasn't there, and sure had nothing to do with the cause of it. My fault is that I haven't focused on forgiving this person, and so he's being held up spiritually by my lack of forgiveness. Anyway, I ended up writing the beginning of a little song.

It's really simple and the words are:

Inspire me
Forgive me
Bless me so that I can
Forgive me

For I know what I've done
And what I've left undone so
Please forgive me


Inspire him
Forgive him
Bless me so that I can
Forgive him

For I know what he's done
And for what he's done
Please forgive him

The pronouns can be changed easily according to the forgiveness need.

I'm still working on it, of course, but the words and music came to me really clearly.  Writing a song is an out of control experience for me. I don't ever feel like I'm doing anything. The song is given to me. It is a spiritual gift that I never asked for, and most of the time I don't want it. Songwriting and music, in my experience, are associated with staying up late, acting "weird," thinking in non-linear ways, and generally being illogical. I've lost almost 15 pounds in the last 5 weeks or so, and so I have all of this extra energy. That's a good thing, but I don't want to go into a hypomanic cycle or any other state that would compromise my mental health. My bipolar recovery has been excellent for over 5 years, and it's really the most important thing in my life. It's the keystone of my existence.

It's time to address the musical talent I possess and see if I'm finally mature enough to integrate it into the rest of my life. I am afraid that it will take away the stability I've worked so hard to gain, but I have to work it out. My heart is telling me this so clearly now.

Blessings!